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[Sunday, April 24th, 2005 @ 4:46pm] |
my poor journal has been invaded.
i think i might retire it and use it just to comment.
or maybe i'll start a new secret one?
who knows.
toodles
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[Saturday, April 23rd, 2005 @ 9:39pm] |
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be it ever so humble . . .
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[Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 @ 5:55pm] |
update: still depressed.
boys are stupid
especially boys named adam
i just threw up a little in my mouth
sick
yeah, so all this drama is eating away at my stomach and making me sick
i'm going for a long, long walk
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| dude, i wrote you a fucking novel!!! |
[Sunday, April 17th, 2005 @ 4:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
yeeeeeeeeeeah, so i'm depressed. what else is new?
i've come to the conclusion that i don't want to be here anymore.
here = this state of mind.
i figure, that in order to escape it i need to do one (or more) of the following.
1. move. get the fuck out of this wasteland and start new.
2. fake amesia (sp?) and speak with a british accent, new personality, new cute little quirks, and start new.
3. strip everything of color or intrest from my room. spend time meditating and not on the things i own (sometime, they start to own you), and start new.
4. go on a killing spree (with obvious homage to 'kill bill') get rid of everyone who has caused anyone i love or myself pain. including a few boys who induldged themselves in a 'hump 'em and dump 'em situation'
(granted i LET them, but thats besides the point!). wipe the slate clean and start new.
5. get a sex change and start new. (nah...i love my vag-jay-jay!)
6. have a mad acid trip and wander into the desert to live as a nomad and start new.
notice a pattern?
yeah, starting new. it is more than likely too late to start new but my life feels so damn cluttered and sometimes i feel like i don't have anything going for me. i graduate in may. in a month, i'm done with highschool forever (unless i fail. god forbid)
sure, there will be somethings i miss.
ashley
megan
christine
mr. foster
speech and debate
tormenting austin
drama ....actually, i'm trying to get AWAY from that.
so yeah, but no offense guys, but the good doesn't balance out the bad. and i sorta want to just get out.
get out of where, you ask?
oh, i don't know.
move to new york, build a tree house in central park. become crazy.
get married to a rich old man and live off his money once he has died in beverly hills.
star in a sitcom about AIDS
kill myself.
become a nurse....in china
adopt a whole bunch of russian babies.
die.
get an addiction.
get preggers.
or maybe all of the above, all at once.
fuck, i don't know.
all i know is that i don't know nothin'
i got my car washed today.
i guess thats the first step to starting new... right?
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[Sunday, April 10th, 2005 @ 2:47pm] |
vomit.
yum.
errr...i don't think many people like me.
it's okay though.
my deformed dog loves me.
or he is a very good actor.
either way works for me.
</3 that one girl . . .
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| WTF?!! |
[Thursday, April 7th, 2005 @ 9:22pm] |
Loki (my dog) just got groomed and the fucking stupid cunt snipped off part of his tail! If the bandage comes off he could bleed to death so we're keeping a close eye on him and might have to take him to an emergancy vet.
How could that bitch hurt a sweetie like this?
He's never bit anyone before or anything.
I'm freaking out. :'(
Next time, Tasha or Ashley are going to have to groom him.
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| "Sick Boy" does indeed have a sickness. Its name is Priscilla |
[Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 @ 10:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
Three years of friendship down the drain just because of a girl.
I always had this rule. That I would never put someone I'm dating in front of my friends. I guess a lot of people don't know about that rule.
At one point we had more than just a friendship. Do you remember that, fucker?!
I know this shouldn't bother me, but why does it hurt so bad?
I miss who he used to be and he doesn't even fucking see it.
As I look at this pile of rubble sprawled across my bedroom floor, it really makes me wonder:
Where the fuck is my lighter?
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| I copied Megan, but she inspired me! |
[Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 @ 10:07pm] |
Last day of school, a trip to the water park.
I was self consious of my theighs so I wore my shorts over my bathing suit.
You told me I looked fine and that I'd get stuck on the water slide if I kept them on.
I didn't listen.
If I had a dollar for eveytime I didn't listen to you but should have . . .
As I came over the last bump of the water slide I stopped.
Fucking friction!
I could see you at the bottom, pointing and laughing your ass off.
After I finally escaped, we waited in line for pizza.
I suggested that we go to the chicken strip place because there was no line.
But this was during your "vegetarian period" and I was told to "think of the poor chicken!!"
About 5 minutes later after waiting in line, you decided,
"Fuck the poor chicken."
After that we were attached at the hip.
First time to Mill Ave and first Weezer CD.
Trying to make a movie but all we really did was sit in our underwear and then later jump into the pool in prom dresses.
You making out with Andy Beck.
Fantasies about 'Bob'
Richard breaking my heart.
You cried for me, do you remember that?
You thought I was going to kill myself
School started and we were at different schools.
I started a petition to get you to transfer.
They didn't know you, but they signed it.
Halloween with Cameron and Desiree getting married and getting a shit load of candy.
We wanted to get high, but all we had was a meth pipe that Mindys friend stole from her mom. So, we stole lawn ornaments from people who wouldn't give us candy.
We met Kevin. You liked him. He liked you . . . you, and about 50 other girls.
Jack and I made out in the childrens section of 'Barnes and Noble'.
You were reading Shell Silverstien and had no clue.
Shortly after, I started dating that mysterious kid who wore the trench coat to school. He flashed you his nipple as you approached Tower Records.
We sat in the giant pot at Desert Ridge.
Well, Evan and I didn't because I was too short and he was bitching out Ashley Shephard.
We had to rush you home. I had so many bruises from being in the back of that stupid truck as John swevred all over Mayo Blvd.
I told you to bite him. He liked that.
Whoops.
You forgot where you lived.
"Turn here! Wait, no, not there, the next one! Wait....or was it the last one!?"
I got soooooooooo grounded but managed to go to your birthday party and make some strange tasting cupcakes.
Desiree wore a red cape.
Many a Barbie died that day.
God rest their plastic little souls.
So many memories through out the years.
Some more bitter than sweet.
Getting stoned in your treehouse and your dad came home for a lunch break.
"Shhhhh! Get down low and stay really still, maybe he won't see us!"
You disagreed and we hopped the fence and I got caught in a pine tree.
Stabbing me with insence, ON PURPOSE!!!
Ditching summer school.
"THATS THE BIGGEST FUCKING FROG I'VE EVER SEEN!!!"
"God damn, it's so hot! John, will you carry me?"
"Umm....didn't you used to have doors in your room?"
"You mean, all I am to Richard is....a FAT JUDY!?!?!?"
We sat watching the meteor shower. Curled up in your blankets in your front drive way.
I had seen nearly 10 shooting stars.
You missed them all.
Finally you saw one and you started to cry because you said you had never seen anything so beautiful.
I think this is the kinda shit you think about before you die. The stuff that flashes before your eyes right before you hit the pavement.
Everytime you left, whether by choice of by force, a little piece of me died.
But when I'm with you I feel so alive.
I love you so much and will ALWAYS be there for you, no matter what.
I may not be yours, but you are my best friend.
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| Weeeeeeeee Awwwwww |
[Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 @ 3:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indifferent |
] |
Life is turning around and around and around in circles. It is an emotinal rollarcoaster and I get motion sickness as is.
Up: Graduation in May and I will be free of highschool.
Down: Since the quarter grades came out before I had the chance to make up 3 AP Government tests, it says I failed that quarter and mom is saying she is going to sell my car.
Up: Had senior advisement today and As long as I get at least a C this semester, I will graduate. Piece of cake!
Down: Real world is coming up fast!! I'm scared and excited at the same time. Just writing this made me pee my pants . . . jay-kay!
Up: GRANT GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT!!! Ah yes, as Meagn said "Vengence is ours!"
And I quote: My bruised/possibly cracked knuckle is bruised again, along with my other knuckles. My CD's are all over the floor and scratched to shit. The car is totalled. Getting to work will be near impossible. I live on a bus pass now. I have just gotten a major bite taken out of the body that is my social life. Good Ol' Grant all of a sudden won't be so fun anymore because he lost his way to get around.
BAHAHAHAHAH!
Karma is a bitch, isn't it, Grant?
Okay, I know it's wrong to laugh at other peoples pain but . . . he "loathes" me.
dot dot dot
NO ONE HAS EVER LOATHED ME BEFORE!!! (I kinda enjoy it though! I get a sort of buzz from it.)
And he spit on my car and talks mad</ib> shit and as far as I'm concerned, he can get hit by that bus.
Down: A certain boy who promised to call me hasn't called me yet! (you know who you are!)
(sad sad face)
Up: We're moving!!!
Down: We're moving.
Basicly, I want to leave Arizona and ceratin people who live in it, but at the same time, I still want to be around certain other people. My parents want to move back east and make an 'Earthship'. For those of you who don't know what an earthship is, it's a house that is insolated by old tires and has huge windows so it keeps at a constant 65 degrees without a heater is A/C. Obviously, this wouldn't work in Arizona, thus the move. Here is an example:
Anyhow, I love you all and I hope you are all more emotionaly stable than myself.
<3 Alexa
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[Sunday, March 27th, 2005 @ 8:55pm] |
I really don't feel complete. I feel drained and empty like something is missing.
That's because something is missing.
My other meercat!
My other baboon!
(I went to the zoo, can you tell?)
Someone needs to kiss me hard because this is getting fucking nuts.
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| to: you from:me |
[Thursday, March 24th, 2005 @ 6:06pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
you think you are soooooooooo cool . . . .
Well, you're not.
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| hrm |
[Thursday, March 24th, 2005 @ 10:53am] |
I love my friends more than anything but sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough.
I'm sorry if I haven't been all that I should, guys.
♥ ♥ ♥
Alexa
(No, there is not an 'I' in my name, moron.)
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| AUSTIN REPRESENTS ALL THAT IS LAAAAAAAAAME! |
[Tuesday, March 1st, 2005 @ 9:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Austin won't shutup! |
] |
I just wrote a long entry and Austin, that little queer, decided to press escape on my computor and delte it all!
FuckShitBallsCockSuckerMotherFuckerGodDamnDickLickerFuckShitFuck!!!!!
Basicly, it was an entry saying I was happy but now I'm just fucking pissed off. I'm going to go knee Austin in the nut sack now.
Toodles!
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| Bahahahaha! Oh-em-geeee boys are so stupid! |
[Sunday, February 27th, 2005 @ 10:05pm] |
Okay, so Madison tries to hook me up with this guy. Nice thought, in theroy. But the guy is fucking nuts!!! So he comes into Hollywood and he's really gross and boring and greasy and I'm just not feeling it. We talked for maybe 5 minutes. He had called me earlier but I was at work so I didn't save the number or anything. He texted me later when I was at work asking if I wanted to hang out. I didn't recognize the number so I asked "Whose this?"
Apparently, this offended him in many different ways.
I told Madison that the reason I wasn't interested is because he reminds me of a deceased ex who I was in love with. What I wanted to say was "Umm....ew. No." But I decided to be nice.
Word to the wise, being nice gets you in more trouble than it's worth.
He calls me at around 10. I had a late night and didn't want to talk to him. He says "I guess I remind you of a dead boyfriend. That's really selfish. Thanks a lot for judging me."
. . . Ummmm. Okay, whatever. And when I looked at my friends page on my el-jay (he will be promptly taken off, trust me) he wrote:
I know you can read this but hey -- I'm spooky like a dead dude so ... boo.
Chalk another one up for the girls and put me on the bench... I'm getting my ass kicked out here, coach.
Wanna know something great?
Having a friend try to set you up with a girl...
getting your hopes up...
and then, once you've met her, finding out that you somewhat resemble a previous boyfriend of hers who killed himself. So yeah... you can see... you know... how there's no way she could ever go out with me... you know... on account of the dead boyfriend and all - it has nothing absolutely nothing to do with anything else... you know so she doesn't need to feel guilty n' all...
And, as we can all surely see... I am way too bitter at girls right now... honestly, I shouldn't even care... I mean...
When I text messaged this girl last night to see if we were gonna hang out she text messaged back...
"Whose this?"
Okay... like... wow. What's wrong with that? Me caring at all about a girl who not only: A) met me and called me once yet didn't care enough to save my number and who B) SAYS FUCKING "WHOSE THIS".
Idiot.
So...
New rule for me concerning how to start to become interested in a person: They must fucking know that when they mean to say 'who is this' that the word 'whose' has nothing to do with it.
Sighsigh... thanks for trying, Madison.
Why am I such a fucking moron...
Why is he such a fucking moron? Well, I decided to answer that question for him and wrote back:
First of all, he didn't kill himself. He had cystic fibrosis. And after reading this I now know that he is ten time the man you could ever even HOPE of being. Secondly, it was a text message and I was at work. I'm not going to put a whole lot of effort into it because it's not a fucking novel.
And as for not saving your number, well, I already have a Mike in my phone and he's better than you so quite frankly, I didn't feel like deleting him to add you, darling.
You talked to me for no more than 5 minutes and you've developed this incredibly sinister outlook on the whole ordeal.
You better take that pine cone outta your ass, son, before it turns into a pine tree, because then we're all fucked!
Honestly, if you're pissed because I used improper grammar in a god-damned TEXT MESSAGE then you better break out the lube because you aren't going to get any girls for a while, boy.
FYI: Girls don't really appreciate this kind of thing. It's clear that you did this to get a reaction out of me. Well fuck-a-doodle-do! Congrats!
In all honesty, I said that you reminded me of Matt because well . . . YOU UGLY!
Yep, you are quite a greasy fellow. And seeing as how I'm fucking a man who has a dick AND bathes and treats me with RESPECT, I have no need for you.
In retrospect, saying that you reminded me of Matt was an insult to him.
And because of your insensitivity towards that subject, all I can say is that I hope someone you love dies, because then maybe you'll grow up and realize the whole world does not revolve around you.
Get bent, fuck-wad.
♥ Alexa
So yes, that's all I had to say, i just thought I'd share that with you all.
His journal is:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/give_to_zim/
I propse we all go there and harass him until he cries.
Whose with me?
(sigh) I miss David.
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| Why is it that . . . |
[Monday, February 21st, 2005 @ 2:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Postal Service |
] |
Everything looks perfect from far away
I miss certain people . . . a lot. I miss the way they made me feel.
♥ ♥ ♥
I suppose thats selfish of me?
Oh yes, I finally found my digital camera and this is what I have to show for it.
The rest are on my Photobucket.
Shit-son-god-damn! Vanity is gonna kill me someday.
Oh well, until someone loves me and I have the self esteem to do otherwise . . . things will remain the same I suppose.
-Alexa
!!!EDIT!!!
I'm retarded and forgot to post the link to my photobucket. Whoops
http://photobucket.com/albums/v319/nolovenoservice/Vain/
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| EFFING UPDATE LJ YOU FIEND |
[Thursday, February 17th, 2005 @ 7:55pm] |
Alright, since I was told that I need to update my livejournal, I suppose I should
Lets see, whats new?
I'm corrupting Megan! Oh-no!
Bright Eyes was really good even though he was drunk and didn't play any of my 3 favorite songs. But we made Grant cry! And that was awesome!
I totally ditched school one day to make out with Sal and then he stopped talking to me for like a week and now he's talking to me again? . . . Hrm.
I dyed me hair! red red red
Oh and I saw Tasha.
Strange. Very, very surreal. It's amazing how much people change
Went to Tempe to see some old friends.
Ohh emmm gee, Blake, I TOTALLY wanted to bone you that night in the rain.
Oh yeah and Drew ran away from me.
Correction: Drew skated away from me.
As Megan would say, 'What a douche'
Speaking of douche, I saw Collin today. Ew-ew-ew-ew-ewwwww he got all greasy!
Why is it that whenever I stop dating a guy, he turns greasy?
I guess it's a mysetery!
♥ Alexa
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